porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize