i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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