i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
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