I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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