I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You did what with his pubic hair?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
