Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize