apparently the secret to your success is patron
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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