That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
This house was built for laser tag.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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