I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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