4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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