His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
