And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
