You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
