Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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