Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
