so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
