Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just high enough for therapy.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
