so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize