Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
