Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
