Whats the glycemic index on semen?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
