This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
