atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
