I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
