nut hugger
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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