Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
