Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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