i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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