I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
