What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
