none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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