we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
