so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
