An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize