Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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