Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
