went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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