Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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