I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
this boner is exhausting
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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