I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
