No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
