I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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