I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
