all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
