I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
