I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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