just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
