my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
