Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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