do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
