did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
