So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
