I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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