He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
