did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
