did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Randomize
