My first STD was from a foam party
It's just like the Real World with babies
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
