If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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