Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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