I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
