yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize