porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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