Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
