I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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