sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize