you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
