So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
