What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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