Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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