Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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